Saturday, July 24, 2010

Thursday, July 15, 2010

confusion and questions

Through my whole ordeal, I keep hearing in my head "The Pure Love of Christ" What does this mean? I tried to look on things as how i believe christ would. Christ has a continual love for all. He said forgiving others is our duty, judging is his.

We are all given times of trials and we are to be judged on how we perform during these desperate times. I love my friends and family, they try and help all they can but i just have not received any answer that seems to fit me perfectly. Does this mean that I just am stubborn or does that mean What i have been advised has not been correct?

Luke 17:32 "Remember Lot's Wife"

Lots wife looked back as she was fleeing and was turned into a pillar of salt. this lesson may show that we should trust in god and not yearn for things in the past. To move on, take the lessons of the past and trust in the lord.

I do trust in the lord. I know how i was living before wasn't the best of circumstances. The thing is I Do not Blame Just Him him as in ex husband. I made mistakes, I did stupid things, I acted as a child and I've come to see how Irresponsible i was of things I've done in the past.

I guess what I'm saying is that A lot of people advise me to Forget him, and to "move on" as though he is my worst mistake. That he is not a good man. but I will stand up now and say HE is a good Man. He just made Stupid Decisions. We both did.

The way we were living we were wasting our lives. We had no goals, we had no hope. We were just living.... He cheated on me, but honestly, It crossed my mind as well. I wasn't happy in the way i was living and i associated it with being married. but It was the transition from being a child to an adult, and also not having the gospel in my home. I'm still having a very hard time grasping what i need to do. but I think Now is the time to make mistakes and to learn who we are.

So, No i do not yearn for that time again. I just wish things ended better. I learned a lot from those 2 years. And even now I have struggles. I'm coming up from the despair i was in but I really wish that people will forgive Him. I have. I just really hope others will understand how i did better. Its really hard to be a judge of someone when I am not that person. I guess this is where it says, judge not lest ye be judged.

I am not going to speak poorly of him. He is a part of my life. I just like i said, wish thing ended differently.

Sorry about this rant, I just feel so.. i dont know. How closed minded people get on certain things makes me feel like an idiot. I loved him I married him and I chose him. And people saying things like Move on and forget it... its not easy. and It makes me feel stupid that people can easily write it off... like it never really happened or mattered... becasue it did.

"Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is that hope? Yes! Is it charity? Yes! Above all, it is charity, the pure love of Christ. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don’t keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone, saying, “Hey! Do you remember this?” Splat!

Well, guess what? That is probably going to result in some ugly morsel being dug up out of your landfill with the reply, “Yeah, I remember it. Do you remember this?” Splat."

Remember Lot's Wife
Holland, Jeffrey R

My friend gave me this speech to listen to. and it mentions the pure love of christ. and it gave me hope that I'm not crazy.

"Such dwelling on past lives, including past mistakes, is just not right! It is not the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is worse than Miniver Cheevy, and in some ways worse than Lot’s wife, because at least there he and she were only destroying themselves. In these cases of marriage and family and wards and apartments and neighborhoods, we can end up destroying so many, many others"

So just in closing, Yes people have made mistakes, but I just believe dwelling on past mistakes does nothing but harm ourselves.
I'm not saying I'm back with Him, Just please be more understanding on my view point on the whole matter.

Sorry for the long rant but I really needed to express myself

here is the link to that talk:

Thursday, July 8, 2010

the Ultimate Check list

okay picture thing I think is only going to be a facebook thing. lol so I'm done for now unless i get a really cool one picked out.

Well my bishop advised me to write about why my marriage did not work out so I may remember it and be able to share it with my future children (if that means he can tell i'll get remarried again I'm all for it!) lol

Okay so some things that didnt work out:

Not completely honest. Always trying to find loop holes
The time on games, NO Bueno
different religious backgrounds
not an equal amount of shared responsibilities
and finally: not the best relationship with the in-laws

okay then a dear brother-in-law told me to write down a check list of things i want in a future man based on what i've learned. so here we go!

Same religious needs
mature but with a sense of humor
dislikes spending hours on games
i feel safe while he is driving
make me laugh
likes adventures
Rarely angry

okay that is a small list and i know i have more. but I just wanted to share that i know my future is in my hands now and That I plan on not wasting it! I just hope the next step in my life doesnt seem so far away and also that i may accept where i am and enjoy it.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

The first day of JULY!!!!

Here is my picture of the day...My face has been in books all day LONG! took a break and this is what my face looked like :P oh well back to the books!
and i did a couple of different faces, felt like i should share them too.

this is my "Debbie Downer" face... If you've watched it on SNL you know what i'm talking about.

Okay this face makes me laugh... THis is what i'm going to look like when I'm old!