Thursday, February 25, 2010
Moving forward, even if its slow...I'll get somewhere
Today has been uneventful. I've of course had My husband on my mind all day long! It stinks ya know, but i know with time and patience I will forgive and eventually forget the pain I'm in.
Today was amazing though, I received the Ensign. Its a church magazine and this month had a lot of articles with the topic of Enduring. Coming over you trials, and Not letting it get you down. It was really helpful. I know they probably did it for those suffering in Haiti or something, but secretly I know its to remind me even though i feel alone, I'm very much different.
So I come to the library so i don't feel so alone. Funny thing is I never talk to people. maybe I should reach out, but How? Hey my name is Lara, I'm a complete mental wreck and i was wondering if you could help piece me together? lol, can you imagine the other persons face? They would be like...what the heck?
But I just want to say I'm so grateful for the support system i have. I have really good friends who Love me, even though I've not done anything to deserve their love, and My family. I have gotten more calls from family this month then I have for maybe a year... lol.
It really helps though that I'm starting to rekindle my relationship with my savior. I'm sad to say I've been lost. I envision myself in a mine. I would be managing but not very well stumbling...and then i'd see a glimpse of light then Bam! I'd fall down another shaft just getting into a darker and darker place.
But now...I am seeing the faint glow ahead. I know that the savior has come down into my dark dark mine and is holding out a light for me to fallow. Why would the savior climb down this Dark, Disgusting mine shaft for me? I've not been there for him for the last few years.... Why is he reaching out?
I know cause he's my perfect older brother who cares for all souls. even mine. He would climb down any mine shaft to help us up and out. I'm grateful for my testimony, and that I'd have someone care enough to help.