"...but for me and my house, we will serve the lord."

As I sat in sacrament meeting today, I had a bunch of mix random emotions. I was happy to be there, but then I wasn't. Looking around in my family ward, I only saw people who were married and had kids. I'm jealous, and angry because of the path that was thrown in front of me.

But I'm guessing it should be understandable. I mean, I have gone from Wife... to someone who is trying to reevaluate everything I thought was my current goals. Then the speakers began to speak about Josh 24:15. it says something like, choose you who you will serve..."but for me and my house, WE will serve the lord."

Thinking about this made me realize, the path i was on, wasn't leading where I wanted to go. Even if i had all faith and hope, it takes two to make it through the temple. It takes two to teach your children about importance of Christ in your lives.

So then looking around I wasn't as upset or jealous. I am happy I have the opportunity to try again. To find someone with the same goals and dreams as I do. Not saying I will be actively searching now, I still need time to reevaluate everything, and prepare myself to give my whole heart to someone,not the portions of a wounded, shattered one. I just hope when if I do find someone new that they may be patient and strong.

In my quest for answers, I have been happily blessed with this months ensign. In an article written by Larry Richman "Learning Through Life's Trials" it has given almost a map to help people like me.

1. Rely on Christ
Doing this one isn't easy, but I'm working on it.
2. Rely on Others
it states the lord will work through others to help me. I have a hard time with
this one...maybe I should humble myself a bit more.
3. Let Adversities make you a Better Person.
Okay, So I am really trying not to be a bitter person...its hard, but I know i'll
Do it.
4. Live with Integrity
I will just keep moving forward, one step at a time and not negotiate my values
5. Be patient
*sigh*
6. Keep an Eternal Perspective.
It referred to a Brigham Young talk given in 1859. Summed up he says Imagine
yourself thousands or millions of years into the life to come. We look back at
this time, at our afflictions and pains and if we endured it well we will pretty
much Laugh. Yes it was hard but it was just a moment in our lives, look at where
we are now.

So Looking at all of this, I just need to remember Who I Am. One day I'll look back and well, laugh.

My closing hymn of the sacrament was Hymn #134 I Believe in Christ
"I believe in Christ, so come what may...."